Dating a girl out of town

We recommend taking one or two days "off" during that period of time. We also suggest that the couple follow the three-to-five-hour time-frame for most of their dates, and have no more than one very long date during each visit.

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No matter how long a couple has known each other, we caution them not to overdo the time they spend together, no matter how much they like each other and no matter how difficult or expensive it was for them to arrange the trip. Otherwise, at some point during the visit one or both of them may begin to dread going out on another date, and may decide they feel this way because there is something wrong with the other person.

Often the other person may be an entirely appropriate match, but what has happened is that the person hasn't had enough time to process what has been going on and feels overwhelmed. We also recommend that long distance couples vary what they do when they are out together. Although the man traditionally plans where a couple will be going, particularly at the beginning of a courtship, if he has traveled to meet the woman in an unfamiliar city he may have some difficulty figuring out where to take her.

We recommend that he do some "homework" before his trip, by familiarizing himself with a map of the city, the modes of transportation that will be available, and the most interesting or ambient places for a date.

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We suggest that he try a change of venue for each date, including a few spots that generally appeal to tourists. Since many people tend to take the historical and touristy places in their hometowns for granted, a tourist spot might be a novelty for both people and might be conducive to some good conversation. After the long-distance traveler returns to his or her home, we recommend that those who want to continue to date each other correspond by e-mail and telephone, but quickly agree upon the next time they will be getting together and make arrangements for the trip.

This is the way for them to maintain the momentum they began and establish a framework in which they can allow things to develop. While e-mails and phone calls are not a substitute for actual dates, they are a good way to enhance what has been started in person. Although people who date over long distances may take a little longer than conventional daters to reach the point at which they decide to marry, it isn't a good idea to artificially extend the length of the courtship simply because the man and woman haven't had so many face-to-face meetings.

We've seen how difficult it can be for two people to continue a long-distance courtship for an extended period of time. They may not see each other as often as conventional daters, but nevertheless the feelings between them can become very intense.

When they are apart they long to be together, and the distance between them can be very frustrating. Like those who live in the same city and see each other on a regular basis, there comes a time that long-distance daters are ready to move things to the higher level of engagement and marriage. If they reach this point but choose to prolong their courtship, one or both of them will become frustrated and resentful, and a promising match may dissolve.

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We've seen enough successful long-distance courtships to know that they can succeed. We hope that you can adapt our suggestions to your own situation and that they will help lead you to the chuppah soon!


I am going to meet a man for the 1st time in my home state I just assumed that he was coming all this way that I could at least plan what we would do It only makes sense. I would hope he would treat me to a nice time when I visit him. I wouldn't expect to have to plan dates in his home state After reading your article, it sounded as if you were placing all the responsibility on the man to plan the dates, even when he's the one travelling to her city.

Dating Advice #162 - Out-of-Town Dating Dilemmas

While it's certainly good for a travelling man to familiarize himself a little with the place he'll be visiting, I think it's also important for the woman he's seeing to do her "homework", and be prepared with some ideas and suggestions, and up to date how to get round and about in her hometown. Whomever lives in the town where the dating will take place should take the initiative on this, regardless of whether it's the man or the woman.

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Everyone needs someone, after all we are not meant to live alone!! Thanks for very good insights. It will help me too. Please sign me up for Aish.

One of the first times Foltz took the initiative and asked a guy out, it went really well. The advice used to be to avoid talk of politics and former relationships on early dates, but now many favor putting it all out there from the beginning. And once people started broaching politics, she says, other taboos, such as keeping past relationships to yourself, began to get ditched too. It saves you time figuring out if this is the right person. Forget having a one-night stand and never seeing the person again.

With Facebook, Twitter and some minor sleuthing, anyone can be tracked down. With time, a no-strings hookup could turn into something more. Gone are the days when dates had to be an elaborate night out at a buzzy restaurant or club. One dog's amazing journey from the streets to stardom. View author archive Get author RSS feed. Time to throw the dating rule book out the window. Date one person at a time New rule: There could always be someone better out there Apps such as Tinder have spoiled us for choice and made it OK to be dating multiple people at once.

Steer clear of texts New rule: Text away, just keep them in check Forget calling someone. Guys pick up the check New rule: Men make the first move New rule: